Looking back after 5 months of walking through my grieving experience, I can say I am grateful for all those moments where I had nothing to do for the outside world. It seems my soulman had organized everything in a way that was perfect for me, so from day one for about 4 weeks, I had plenty of linear time to just sit and be. So what happened was that I sat in the sun very often, with my eyes closed, just breathing and thinking of my man. And now, I truly do treasure these moments, each and every one of them. Even if I can’t remember them all anymore as time flew by in quite a blur in hindsight, I KNOW and FEEL the beauty of it all.
Moments become eternities, and eternities become seconds.
Linear time and my time are different things. I believe this was and is part of my training to remember I am soul. When I fall out of linear time, my mind
fades into the background and I can connect directly and immediately with spirit (my soulman). My hearing gets so clear, I feel my man being so close, and even though I cannot see him with my
physical eyes, I KNOW he is here with me. To me, it feels like we merged when he moved to the other side of the rainbow. The merge was immediate and complete in an instant, and now it is my turn
to integrate this newness into my world and my being. It wasn’t anything physical that I noticed about this merge. It was a feeling, a sensation, a sensing, a unity somehow… I am still looking
for words to describe this… So if you’re wondering if it might have been a ‘hostile takeover’ – not at all. I didn’t realize it fully for a few days, it was a puzzle I put together piece by
piece. As I am open to experiencing things like this, there was no fear involved at all, more astonishment and surprise at the ease in which it was happening. And with linear time becoming blurry
and unreal, I was able to just enjoy each discovery of a new puzzle piece.
Knowing and believing
To me, believing comes before knowing. So for the last 20 years, I worked on my belief system, slowly doing it more and more consciously. Over time, things shifted from Belief into Knowing more and more, there was no more doubt in so many areas and shifting into the love space became more frequent. Experiencing my personal connection with spirit (no one in particular back then) trained me further. Remembering to follow my heart, my gut and my intuition was the first door I walked through, and it became daily training for me. All this training was preparation for what I am experiencing now.